I salvage a TV box with a bunch foamcore packing from the alley. I wrap a large drawing, a collage, a gouache, and a couple oils in and tape it all up. I balance the box on my bathroom scale and round up the weight to twenty pounds. I buy postage and print out a label. I bungee-cord it to the back of my bike and drop it off.
The tracking number is scanned the next day. The package is estimated to arrive in LA five days later.
Since starting to publish my own books, this is a sequence I’ve repeated well over a thousand times. Usually, within a few days of the estimated travel time, the package arrives at its destination without incident. It’s a wonder how rarely things have gone wrong but everyone’s luck runs out. It’s the law of averages.
On the appointed day, my package of pictures is loaded on a truck somewhere in the Los Angeles area and a delivery window is provided for afternoon to early evening. Sometime after that window has closed, tracking informs me that the receiver has refused to accept the package and that it’s being returned to sender.
I know this is a lie but I call the receiver to make sure. I call the shipping entity and find out that their customer service representatives take weekends off. This being a Saturday, I’ll have to wait till Monday to find out what happened.
On the phone Monday, I’m told that the package is damaged and is being returned to me. The woman on the phone says I should file a damage claim. She emails me the link to do so. But when I begin to fill out the form, I run into a problem. They won’t accept the claim without photos of the damage. I don’t have the package so I don’t know what’s been done to it.
A week later, tracking gives an ETA for delivery at my home. The day comes and goes. Next day on the phone, the operator assures me it will be delivered by the end of the day. This is another lie. A couple days later, another representative instructs me to file a lost package claim, even though the box appears to be sitting at the hub in Chicago.
I send the intended recipient a list of other art to choose from, pack up their choices, and drop off the box at the same place as the one that vanished. The new one is scheduled to arrive by the end of the week. I’ll believe it when I see it.
My loss claim is marked as approved. It even says it’s been paid out. I haven’t seen a cent so I can’t say whether that’s true. I’d love to know what’s left of my pictures. I hope they’ve made a nice Christmas present for whatever official decided not to deliver them.
I’m flattered that they liked them enough to pretend they disappeared.
