Rewake

When I first walked to the end of my street to the water, I thought I’d return regularly. I didn’t go back till last week. It’s been almost ten months. Perhaps this was like the Christmas resolution to exercise, cast aside before it finishes leaving your mouth. I had good intentions.

It was a warm sunny day. There was a woman lying on the grass reading, a small dog sniffing around nearby. A few geese walked the pier, then jumped in the water. But was mostly interested in the other shore, with the crane, silos, and downtown skyline off to the right. Before starting to paint, I had to walk back home for bulldog clips, because the wind was whipping my paper around. Then I got a bit done. I hope to return in less than ten months next time.

Next door, the neighbor has turned his tiny front yard into a used bike lot. It used to be just a koi pond, plants in various states of growth, bags of soil, and scavenged-looking bricks. Now there is a riot of clashing colors from kids’ Huffys, Schwinns, and whatnot. I don’t know all the brands anymore. Used to seem very important when I was growing up.

Masked passersby stop all day and snap photos of his stock, note the phone number written on the FOR SALE sign fastened to his fence. I don’t even know his name. We were in lockdown when I moved here, so interactions with neighbors have been minimal. I haven’t even been inside my landlord’s place upstairs. I see the guy next door out back every few days, working in his garage. We wave or say hi and leave it at that. He’s always fixing bikes.

Then, I assume, they’re brought out to the showroom out front.

Amazon can go fuck itself.

God knows I tried. I really did. They say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. So I did. Then the hoop-jumping commenced. They wanted to know everything about me, practically down to shoe size and blood type. I gritted my teeth, but complied. They required me to confirm my mailing address by sending me a postcard with a secret code I’d have to input to be verified. Then they didn’t send the card. I waited, then requested another card. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. After over a month, Amazon told me I was allowed to sell my books on their site.

Before I made a single sale, there was a $39.99 charge against my account. After multiple chats, emails with bots, and phone calls with humans, it turned out that Amazon had default enrolled me for a “Professional” account, monthly $39.99 included at no extra cost. I managed to convince them to reimburse the first charge, then downgraded to an “Individual” plan. This meant that an additional 99 cent fee would be tacked on to every (theoretical) sale, in addition to the pile of charges “Professionals” and plebes alike are saddled with.

A few days later I made my first sale. It was for a copy of my forthcoming book. I looked at the order. The price is $20. Amazon took $5.70 for nothing more than processing the sale and allowing a postage stamp-size image of the cover to appear on their site. I wrote to the buyer to tell them when I hoped to ship their book and tried to put the rest out of my mind.

I opened my Seller account one day and noticed my account was in the red. How could this be? Didn’t they still owe me for my one sale? Turns out that in their UK, Australia, EU, and Japan marketplaces, I was still a “Professional”, which meant they could charge me a monthly fee. Never mind that I’ve never sold anything in those countries. I stupidly assumed that downgrading to a mere “Individual” in the States would make me regarded as same worldwide, but apparently the Everything Store is sees its supplicants as unique and different in every corner of its world.

Another round of chats, calls, and bot email followed. A second sale was also pending. I canceled it and directed the thwarted buyer to my online shop. No final accounting has happened yet. When I try to delete my account, an automated message informs me I must have a zero balance and wait 90 days after that one sale I made.

I’ll wait the 90 days. Then I’ll never use Amazon again. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on.

—I wrote about the Peacock Network’s new John Wayne Gacy docuseries.

p.p.s. Thanks to Neutral Spaces and Maudlin House and Vol.1 Brooklyn and Chicago Reader and Hello America for running excerpts from Old StyleThe printers tell me the book should be ready Wednesday or Thursday. I’ll start biking them over to Chicago residents and mailing out the rest by the weekend, if everything breaks right.

In the Chicagoland Area

Where does a city end and the surrounding sprawl begin? Is it right at the municipal boundary, or is there seepage on either side of the divide? This has been on my mind because of what I’ve been reading and watching the past week. The Reader accepted pitches for reviews of the new John Wayne Gacy miniseries and Avner Landes’s Meiselman on the same day. So I got to work on both straight away.

I didn’t intentionally pair a TV show about an infamous serial killer and a debut novel about a put-upon young Orthodox Jew. It was only afterwards that I noticed both stories are set in the near Chicago suburbs. Gacy could’ve very plausibly done rehab work on buildings in New Niles (were it a real town), due to its proximity to his all-too-real Norwood Park home. And Meiselman——or his parents, given the timeline——might easily have passed many of Gacy’s favorite haunts on the way to O’Hare Airport, or even have hired him to entertain children at a birthday party as Pogo the Clown.

I know the difference between fact and fiction (on a good day). But the nearby geographical locations common to the true-crime show and the novel encourage the blurring of boundaries that have hovered around the outskirts of my mind as I’ve watched and read.

I told my friend, Frank, about the Gacy show when I realized he grew up just up the street from the murder house. He wrote back that he used to ride his bike down there when they were digging up the bodies in 1978.

My landlady grew up in the likely model for New Niles, Skokie, Illinois. I’ll probably give her my copy of Meiselmannow that I’ve finished it. There’s a shelf outside my back door where we leave each other food, holiday cards, misdelivered mail, etc.

This city and its environs is fertile soil for all kinds of stories, from the horrific to the hilarious, and everything in between.

—Two final excerpts from the new book were posted this week: “Ask for Rose” in Vol.1 Brooklyn and “Casanova at the Corner Bar” in the Chicago ReaderWas hoping to have the book here this week, but the printer says next week. To all who’ve ordered them, hang tight, I’ll get them to you ASAP.