Dead Rider

I go way back with Dead Rider. The lead guy was in a great band called U.S. Maple about twenty years ago and I’ve followed most of the music made by its former members. The gnarled tendrils of this family tree have crept in disparate directions by now.  I’ve heard one or the other of them play everything from gentle country pop to the most discordant screetching noise collages. They’ve never stopped searching for the true sound. It’s why I’ll go see them whatever they’re doing. They don’t rest on laurels or just play the hits.

Two years of lockdown have made even the most hardened stoic reflective. When I hear Todd Rittman tell the Hideout audience that no one in his band is good at communicating their feelings aside from making this music but that he wants to thank us for being there, I know that a whole field of worms have turned. This thing has truly altered all our psyches, no matter what we may think.

As Dead Rider was winding down, I move from my spot up front to the back of the room. I run into Dan K and tell him how happy it makes me to see this band. He agrees. I try to pinpoint the thing that sets them apart. All I can come up with is that they’re remarkably restless. They never play the same show twice. They back themselves into corners, then have to fight their way out. It’s way beyond the technical mastery of their instruments. Aptitude and skill can be the dullest thing in the world to see and hear. These people push past facility into dangerous places where failure or bad taste is very real. They don’t want to bore themselves or us, so they keep jumping off the cliff.

A couple days later, I run into Tim at the bar. He was at the show and is still basking in its afterglow just like me. You know the show was special when longtime musician is that impressed. We always judge the thing we do ourselves so harshly when others do it.

Tim goes back to his table and I doodle a couple of the more annoying regulars. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum or Dumb and Dumber, I can’t decide which. They’re so loud and stupid and full of themselves. The bald one catches me looking over and comes to take a look. He shakes his head after switching to his readers so he can make out my sketch in the darkness. Takes issue with my making his cranium look like an alien. He shakes his head disapprovingly, then returns to his cackling mate.

I show the sketch to the bartenders and she laughs approvingly, but gets worried the two clowns will notice. I tell her what chrome dome said. If the shoe fits, right? I think I more or less caught his likeness, or at least something about him.

Like Dead Rider, I’m always trying to hit a note that rings true, never knowing how or why it will happen.

Talks

I wish podcasts weren’t called podcasts. I like them very much otherwise. I’ve been fooling around with the medium the past four years, but in the last few weeks something changed and I decided to focus on it ‘for real’. What that means on a practical level is finding a program that records audio conversations remotely without the horrible video component and lousy sound quality of the ubiquitous conferencing apps, investing in a new mic, and inviting writers and artists to test their patience for technical incompetence by talking to me through the screen.

I’ve recorded three long talks so far, with varied success. The first took three tries. We spoke for an hour and a half the first time. I thought it went great. Then, when I played back the audio, I could only hear my voice, with long pauses in between, where my guest used to be. It reminded me of Garfield Minus Garfield. During our second attempt, there was equipment failure on his end; the third time was the charm. There were still hours of watching tutorials and banging my head against virtual compressors, faders, gains, and echoes, but in the end, I had a conversation that I think a few people will be interested in hearing.

Just as I’ve refocused on podcasts, Substack—which also hosts my newsletter—began to have a glitch where audio wouldn’t upload. It went on for days, and, because they have virtually no customer service, I decided to move my podcast elsewhere. Then, as so often happens in my life, I started pulling on that thread of dissatisfaction, and decided to move the newsletter as well. It’s never sat well with me that they pay already successful/famous people to write letters. Feels like a fancy tech-bro era infomercial. That’s not my scene. The audio glitch was the proverbial straw that pushed my frustrations with the company over the camel’s broken back and off a cliff.

The last time I did this was November 2020. It was a colossal amount of tedious busy work. Took me about a week to push, pull, lurch, and haul a five-year archive across town to the new digs. It worked pretty well for awhile. I made a little money and clarified as time went on what the purpose of the whole newsletter project has been. It’s a kind of episodic public diary and sketchbook, to be plundered for more coherent expression later in other forms. It’s been a valuable if sometimes grueling exercise. I would have never guessed I could crank out two a week for so long. Now it’s become a matter of pride and expectation to maintain the pace and routine. I expect I’ll slip at some point, but it won’t be for lack of effort.

I hope to post podcasts more regularly than I have up to now. I’m relaunching the show on a new platform. I’m not sure yet how frequently episodes will be published but will do my best to keep you apprised in this newsletter. Please subscribe there if you like what you hear. The first episode features a talk with my favorite living writer, Lucy Sante. In the second, I talk to Chicago painter Frank Spidale, who is one of my oldest friends. Talks with more painters, musicians, and writers will follow. I’ve also reedited episodes from the old version of the show into something that is hopefully more coherent. Scroll through the archive if you’re curious.

These talks will be an extension or expansion of the newsletter project, in a way. I don’t expect to become Terry Gross or Marc Maron. I remain a painter, first, second, and third. But these recordings are another way to connect, for someone who has such a hard time doing so.

Stay tuned.

[Mallory and I continue talking classics. George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead this time.]

[Does your bookshelf need an art show? I’ve got something for that. Save wallspace by getting either one or the other of the two collage books I put up for sale.]

[A few of my favorite podcasts: WTF w/Marc Maron, Know Your Enemy, Gift Horse, Virtual Memories, You Must Remember This, Drifter’s Sympathy.]

In Person

I’ve missed looking at people’s faces these past couple years. It drove me to draw them off TV freeze-frames, that’s how much I’ve missed them. Sitting or standing in some public place and surreptitiously drawing strangers is one my main occupations in life. So for two years I’ve been underemployed, so to speak.

I’m doing my best the past few weeks to make up for that lost time. I’ve doodled at bars, coffee shops, and concerts. All the places I used to go before the plague closed them. It’s like a renewal.

It feels good to once again be antisocial in public. To be with but apart. That’s my comfort zone. The sketchbook is both a way to connect with and protect myself from other people, as well as our shared surroundings. I think maybe the word I’m looking for is liminal. Never used that one before. Maybe that’s not what I mean. Times like this I’m reminded that I’m just a dumb painter.

I’ve drawn enough lately to finish one sketchbook and start another. Cracking open a blank book is like the changing of the seasons. The added wrinkle this time is that it’s a different brand. Different paper, very different feel. I almost have to relearn how to draw to accommodate it.

Feels right in view of all the other upheavals, no matter how minor a change it may sound like to you.